25 years ago, a little girl was born. She came into this world having a heart riddled with holes and a missing chamber unable to pump the blood through her small body. She was immediately transported via ambulance to the nearest airport and Medevaced by helicopter to Columbus Children's Hospital for emergency surgery and an extended 6 month stay in the Neo-nadal Intensive Care Unit as well as weekly follow-up visits for the next year that consisted of blood work, EKG's and a battery of other tests.
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I was 21 at the time, my wife Patti was 20, and that little girl was our daughter, Nikki. We were working part-time jobs, making minimum wage and raising our two preschool boys. We had no idea that our daughter would be born with a congenital heart defect. And we had no idea the impact it would have on our lives.
Because of our daughter's condition and our lack of sufficient income to make 320 mile round trips, we decided to move to Columbus to be closer to her. We finally acquired an temporary apartment through the Salvation Army, allowing me 3 months time to search for a new line of work.
Needless to say, work was avoiding me like the plague. One day here and two days there was not enough to support our family. We were forced to apply for food-stamps. The food-stamp program would not allow us the full amount we were entitled because we were living in a low income facility. So, by the end of the second week, the groceries were depleted and I was forced to seek assistance by going to local Food Banks and Pantries.
We would sit in line, sometimes for 2 or 3 hours, before we were called up to collect our small bags of goods. Always dealing with shortages of their own, the pantry would give us a variety of canned vegetables and soups, spaghetti (no sauce), day old bread and occasional pastry, powdered milk, powdered drink mixes (no sugar), and canned meat which made up our only source of nutrition.
And even with the assistance of the pantries, there were many, many times that we prayed the boys would eat their fill before the food was gone, hoping for the leftovers because neither Patti nor I would eat until we were certain the kids were taken care of.
So many times, I would leave the room, not showing my tears because I would hear my wife's belly rumbling with hunger while she was feeding our boys. So many times I felt like a failure because I wasn't able to provide for my family.
I know how easy and how fast life can throw you a curve ball. I also know what poverty can cause a person to do. I have stolen condiments from restaurants and the hospital cafeteria so our children could have sugar in their kool-aid or ketchup and mustard on their spam sandwiches. I have has brazenly walked into the women's restroom, jimmied the lock containing feminine napkins and stole them for my wife's needs.
I have smoked partial cigarettes from public ashtrays and rummaged through dumpsters hoping for anything I could find. I have smiled and waved at the grocery clerk as I exited the store with pockets full of baby formula that I had not paid for.
It was a constant battle between my conscience and the needs of my family. I know the mental pressures of dealing with poverty and failure and how it could lead many to drugs and alcohol as a means of escape. The only thing that saved me of a similar fate was the underlying dedication to my family.
For nearly 2 years, we struggled with poverty, depression, anxiety and worry. I was a beggar and a thief to feed my family. I was a liar each time I was nearly caught. And above all, I was ashamed. Ashamed of what I was forced become in order to keep my family together and to survive.
But today...I am thankful. I am thankful that I have never forgotten those days. or what it feels like to go hungry. I am thankful for all the lessons learned during that time. I am thankful that my family stayed together. But most of all, I am thankful because I know in my heart that I am forgiven and that now I am in a position to possibly save someone else from going through what my family had to deal with. Or at the very least, help them make it through.
That is why I am so passionate about feeding the needy, about helping the less fortunate and why I was driven to promote the food drive to the point of spamming. That is why I make no apologies for "Over-Tweeting".. And that is why I took down the FOOD DRIVE Blog.
Some hungry, homeless person could very easily take shelter from the cold at the local library...use the computer to look up Food Banks, Food Pantries or Food Drives and see the terrible comments left by uncaring, selfish individuals. I've been in that position and I know it could put some people over the edge.
So to those of you who can only ridicule and run down the less fortunate, I pray that you never see a day of hunger or a time of need. Because I don't believe you could handle the words you tossed being thrown back in your face. There are still people who care and there are still people who are willing to give, so the work will go on.
God Bless you, Gary. I am proud to call you my friend!
sweetest blog! your family is lucky to have you, and all of us are lucky to have your friendship!
Gary you are a brave, determined and loving family man. I am proud to know you in this strange and wonderful twitterverse!
Gary you are a brave men to tell your story. If what you are doing is call spam by some, then we should all be spaming. God bless you.
You go Gary! I put my 20 cans as promised in the Food Bank bin at work this week. Keep up the good work and I appreciate your honesty and candor in this post.
We all do what we have to do to take care of our children. At least you did not murder people like this "psychiatrist" at Fort Hood did because he felt bullied and picked on and got a bad evaluation of his performance. I go without daily I'm broke, no income, lost my husband to cancer, have had all my belongings stolen from me and now live on the charity of my mom and daughter. Even before that my husband and I were using food banks to survive, and like you I did without so he could eat because of his illness. I don't complain, don't ask for things I don't need just so I can have them. I just exist, and until someone has simply existed, they too will not understand.
Gary,You brought tears to my eyes with the passion and emotion I felt in your writing.One never knows how another has lived until his story is told.You have a guardian angel watching and guiding you,Gary.You and your family are blessed.Thank you for sharing such an emotional and personal life story.I am blessed to know you as a friend!
Great Piece Gary
From begining to end.
JoeFlow
www.guysandgirlsonline.com
Dear Gary,
Your story made me cry. I too have experienced living in a shelter with my 3 children. I ran from an abusive marriage where I was stalked after we were divorced. This was pre any stalking laws. I had to go from Massachusetts to Florida to get away from a very sick man and protect my son's and myself. I eventually got on my feet but had to work 3 jobs (min. wage) but I never thought of a food bank. My children were healthy thank the good Lord. Five years later I met my current husband and we struggled through raising our 4 son's and a granddaughter.
In the last few years I lost my job of 18 years in a mass layoff of 6000 people as our jobs were out-tasked to India. I was out of work for 14 months and landed a low paying customer service job in a call center. After 5 years and multiple medical issues I am now on SSDI. My husband lost his job of 14 years one year ago. Our savings was depleted after my job loss and we never fully recovered before Rick lost his job. Our house is going to auction in January, my car was auctioned in July.
In July we were not sure how long we had to live in the house we built and I was afraid we would end up on the streets. We refused to burden our children. They all have small children and no spare room in their homes. A friend of mine in California who knew our situation called me and asked if Rick could do maintenance (plumbing, electrical, drywall, etc.) He can so we drove to meet the owner of the apartments she is the manager of. He hired Rick on the spot and we then planned our move. We donated and sold most of our belongings and moved from Phoenix to California a few months ago. My husband is doing a porter job at the apartment complex we live in now. He cleans the laundry room, keeps the grounds trash free, changes outside lightbulbs, cleans the pool area, walks the property at night. This job has no pay, but it reduces our rent. He is also doing maintenance here and for 2 other properties for pay as a 1099. He hasn't hit 40 hours a week yet but we are surviving! My husband is a craftsman. He grew up in a custom cabinet business. His last job he was the Field Operations Manager and oversaw new construction from Tuscon to Prescott in AZ. He had 30 people reporting to him. Rick is 57 and has knee and back problems along with diabetes and high blood pressure so I pray for his health every day. He's not happy doing what he is doing, but he feels blessed that we are not homeless too.
I have watched and read about the people affected by the unbelievable amount of job losses. People who, like us, had some savings but not enough to carry us for over 4 or 5 months. Our kids are feeling the crunch and are working at any job they can get to support their families. My brother has been out of work, my brother in law and sister as well.
So your compassion, your selfless effort on behalf of people in need is understood by me and so many other real people. Those who choose to stop your or anyone's quest to help out our fellow man are ignorant and evil.
I'm proud to know you and understand your need to help. I feel that need as well.
Love and hugs,
Deb Purcell
AZCactusflower